EMPOWER YOURSELF WITH COLLECTIVE COUNSEL

I’m a Divorce & Custody Coach with more than ten years of experience both personally and professionally.  Divorce Coaching is a relatively new profession (See Know More).  The great need for these services is as a direct result of increasing divorce rates, rising divorce costs, and decreased funding in family services.

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After years of offering counsel and consultation from my personal life, I decided to help families in crisis full-time.

I have a wonderful relationship with my stepson, a stable co-parenting relationship with my ex, and an amazing home life with my children and the love of my life. But it wasn’t always this easy and peaceful!

As a child, I experienced the fear and confusion of going through a high-conflict divorce. My parents had no guidance to navigate the process of separation and divorce emotionally, and it was a very traumatic experience for me. The trauma has been life-long, and I still work through it to this day. 

Furthermore, at 21 years old, I experienced the pain and fear of having no money and having to help my (then) husband gain custody of his son. While my peers were partying, I was working overtime to fund a legal battle.  I walked the halls of the courthouse until I found people willing to speak to me (often leaving ashamed, scared, and more confused than before).  After navigating the frustrating process of Legal Aid, educating myself to compensate for the cheap attorney we could afford, and years of personal attacks, we won 50/50 custody of my stepson. Then came the modifications and motions of contempt…

After 13 years of marriage, and two amazing children later, I found myself reeling from the threat of losing my children. I was in denial and paralyzed from the pain and feelings of betrayal. How was I going through a nasty litigious divorce against the man I fought so hard beside just a decade earlier?  We swore we would never do anything like that to one another, and yet here we were.  In a brain fog and emotionally drained, I hired a highly recommended attorney to “solve all of my problems”. To me it was a small fortune that put me in financial jeopardy, but I felt like I had no other choice because the stakes were so high. It felt like it took all of my energy just to get out of bed every day, keep my job, and be a parent.  I quickly felt betrayed by my attorney when things were forgotten, she was short with me, and my “proof” was not considered. I was hurt and angry. We settled out of court.

After my divorce was settled, I experienced the divorce and custody process from another angle. I fell in love with a doting father, who was asked to sign over all custody of his children in an agreement with his ex. I resisted getting involved in any way. “Not again!”, I said. But in the end, supporting him emotionally through his extremely high-conflict, high-profile divorce provided me with the final pieces of the puzzle. The dark underbelly of the Family Court System leaves no tactic or expert witness unexplored.

Navigating each one of these custody battles left me puzzled and personally devastated in so many different ways. If only I had been the expert back then that I am today.

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As I look back on my life, I understand how much easier life could have been for all of us if only we had a coach. We could have saved so much money, time, and energy on legal services and therapy!

 

You see, much of the emotional pain we experienced was from misinformation, confusion, and unmanaged expectations. My parents didn’t know how to help me, the court representatives were overwhelmed with their duties, and could not provide legal advice.  My attorney was not mean. I was overly sensitive and going the wrong place for emotional support.  Attorneys should be focused on the legal procedural aspect of your case. Most are not equipped to help you with general confusion, shock, indecisiveness, fear, or the litany of other emotions you are experiencing. Quite frankly, it is not their life in the balance, just a figure on a balance sheet that they are trying to maximize for you and themselves. And if they haven’t rebuilt their own lives after divorce, they don’t know what to tell you to ask for so you can rebuild after the divorce is final!

 

My ex-husband fell into the litigious adversarial (lifelong) trap that anyone could without the correct emotional guidance. My boyfriend signed an agreement giving up custody of his children, thinking the fighting would stop and things could be settled on a personal level. But it just opened the door to a more difficult battle. Misinformation and unmanaged expectations on both sides.

 

Although it was painful, I’m glad I kept going and never gave up, because I eventually cracked the code on how to win your divorce and rebuild a better life.  I now routinely say that divorce is the best thing that ever happened to me!

 

What’s more is that not giving up is the reason I am able to help others to quickly process the pain of divorce and move into a place of peace. Rebuilding the life you’ve always wanted is the ultimate goal. And it is just within reach!

 

XO,

Meredith Ashley